A recent construction update informed us that on Thursday,
lead-contaminated soil being removed from the Stata Complex site began
emitting a "strong sulfurous odor" that disturbed the occupants of
nearby buildings.  The update, of course, went on to explain that it
was the result of chemical "stabilization" of the soil, that it was
unusual, that it would not be repeated, that authorities had
everything under control, and that nobody should be disturbed any
more.

But I say those people are right to be disturbed.  Disturbed, when a
dig site used to hold a building erected by the military.  Disturbed,
when the site turns out to have contaminated soil.  Disturbed, when
the digging is funded by Bill Gates.  Disturbed, when the diggers
generate the smells of hellfire and brimstone.  Disturbed, when the
elements of every bad horror movie are present *right* *next* *door*.

For how long can it be before the ghosts of RADAR inventors arise from
the slurry trench to haunt the blasted landscape?  Before
toxic-waste-mutated undergrads begin chanting for "more brains"?
Before a gate to Hell itself is opened and merged into the underground
parking structure/child care center?  Before Cantabrigian traffic
cops start actually directing traffic?

And how many students will suffer horribly for even thinking about
sex?  How many offices must explode in inexplicable fireballs?  

Who will make the final sacrifice to end the horror?  (Will their
surviving roommates get straight A's?)  It is to aid these as-yet
unknown heroes that we must meet tonight, here, in the sanctuary of
the AI Lab, to design the ultimate ritual of purification.  

Although as extras we will not survive to the final reel, our notes --
hand-scribbled and nearly indecipherable -- will serve as guidepost to
the hardy hero and heroine who will arise to save Cambridge in Frank
Gehry's tasteful masterwork-in-progress, "Massacree at the Stata
Center."

Come and see if you can survive through the first reel of tonight's...

****************** G I R L  S C O U T  B E N E F I T ******************
******************        5:30pm  7AI Playroom       ******************



PS Yes, that is supposed to say Massacree; it's pronounced
   "mass-a-cree", preferably with a generic hayseed accent.

PPS YES, I *know* Rod Brooks is not actually eligible for President,
    dammit.  That's part of the joke.