To: all-ai Subject: GSB Friday Oct 14th, 5PM, 7AI --text follows this line-- Questions about Godawful Soda: Q: What is Godawful Soda? A: Godawful Soda is a new carbonated "beverage", offered to improve people's lives by making almost anything else seem "better". Q: Why is "better" in quotes? A: Better than this stuff is nowhere near good. Q: What does Godawful Soda taste like? A: Opinions on this topic vary. When asked, Samuel C., of London, Mississippi, compared the taste to that of dry mud seasoned by the aroma of rotting catfish. James G. of Lanford, Illinois compares the taste to that of grains of fine chocolate floating in premium gasoline. By contrast, Eleanor Z. of Wichita Kansas said that Godawful Soda went down like dangerous industrial cleaners attacking caked-on dirt, leaving no bitter aftertaste or tastebuds on the tongue, and Roderick Q. of Sonoma, California reported no definite impressions other than those common to most forms of severe intestinal distress. However, all of these people report that the experience of drinking Godawful Soda left them with a true sensation of "Godawfulness". Q: Why is "beverage" in quotes? A: The product contains dangerous levels of industrial "waste", and is rated a class 3 hazard by the "Interstate Commerce Comission". Q: Can Godawful Soda affect my finances? A: Consider the experience of Suzy C. of Albany, New York. In May of 1994 she finally paid down all of her credit cards. Celebrating her good fortune, she carelessly consumed an entire can of Godawful Soda. Her checkbook was immediately stolen, and while Suzy C. was unconscious for three days in a hospital, the thief not only cleaned out her account, but also her very substantial overdraft protection. When she emerged, she discovered that her health insurance premiums had been "late", leaving her fully liable for the entire fifty-thousand dollar cost of her "treatment". The makers of Godawful Soda wish to note that the loss of the checkbook was *strictly a coincidence* and cannot, by itself, be attributed to Godawful Soda, no matter how Godawful the experience itself may have been for Suzy C. Q: Have there been any other unusual experiences associated with Godawful Soda? A: Michael Z., of Detroit, Michigan ran out of gasoline in the middle of Hamtramck. Desperate for a way out, he poured three cans of Godawful Soda into his gas tank. He notes that Godawful Soda did prove adequate to get him out of this sticky situation. "The old car hadn't had that kind of kick in it in years", he reports. However, he subsequently discovered that the valves on his engine were nearly eaten through, and had to be replaced at considerable expense. Q: Why would anyone consume Godawful Soda? A: It's not "OK". But rest assured: Robert Thau informs us that Godawful Soda will *not* be served at this week's G I R L S C O U T B E N E F I T where only the finest of beverages are found.