The top 10 ways to identify the new students

["Mike McGeachie and Mike Oltmans" <moltmans@>]

You've already seen one Friday-institution, the Graduate Student
Lunch(1).  Another Friday-tradition is the Girl Scout Benefit(2).  This
is a vital and important reenactment(3) of an ancient cultural event(4),
long noted by anthropologers of the AI-Lab(5) for it's ceremonial
primacy(6), wherein on one fine day, many years ago, members of the lab
came together, from far and wide(7), to empty cash-redeemable beverage
containers and donate the proceeds to needy girl scout(8) tribes(9) of
the central Roxbury area(10).

That is the true story of the lab's GSB(11).  The more practical story
of GSB is something about meeting your labmates, relaxing with your
coworkers, and enjoying life's simpler pleasures.  As is traditional
the anouncement for said event is prefaced with some witty dribble
such as: 

   **The top 10 ways to identify the new students**

1: They show up to GSL without a frisbee, tuperware, or plate.
2: They confuse GSL and GSB.
3: They say they are in CSAIL lab.
4: They are bright eyed and excited about their new classes and research projects
5: They actually saved the yellow part of their registration receipt
6: They have 4 classes on that yellow sheet.
7: They think they actually have to pay fines to MIT when MIT asks them to.
8: They don't know what vultures are.
9: They think the Stata Center is "neat" (they haven't seen their pod yet)
10: They are the ones at GSB that get a free frosty one.
11: They pay $0.50 for advice in addition to the $1.50 charge.
12: They think that the Girl Scouts are actually Befitting from todays event.
13: They actually need a message to know to show up each and every Friday afternoon for the...

           +-                                                 -+
             girl scout benefit -+-  5:30 pm  -+- 7ai playroom
           +-                                                 -+

             [ for those coming from elsewhere: building ne43,
               http://whereis.mit.edu/bin/map?locate=bldg_ne43 ]


(1) Dave Anderson, GSL email, "Is it lunch, or is it Memorex?", Sept 3,
12:42 PM.
(2) Other researchers have noted this acronym can stand for something
else.
(3) The author uses "reenactment" here in the sense of "sitting around
and getting to know each other over a couple of drinks".
(4) Ok, this part is false.
(5) We actually do have our own anthropologer, studying us, visiting
from the other Cambridge.
(6) Or said anthropologer may have merely noted said reenactment because
the author paid her fifty bucks.
(7) "Far and wide" is a silly colloquialism, but it seemed to fit.
(8) This part is actually true.
(9) The author is unaware of the politically correct terminology for a
group of girl scouts.  Gaggle?  Coven?
(10) Actual girl scout tribes may vary.  Consult your local
distributors.
(11) This paragraph will feature no footnotes.  It's an important
stylistic decision intended to, through textual reification, embody the
thematic shift from ebullience to pragmatism.