The anatomy of a couch

[Mike Oltmans <moltmans@>]

The anatomy of a couch:

Like a towel to an intergalactic hitchhiker the couch is an essential
entity in the life and progression of any diligent or diligently lazy
grad student.  While at first glance a couch is a place to sit.  This is
an exceedingly myopic view of our thinly upholstered friends.  The couch
is in fact a learning device.  It provides a medium upon which to catch
up on all those papers that your adviser or committee have deemed 
essential reading if you ever want to graduate.  The couch as learning 
medium leads nicely into the other great purpose of a grad student's 
couch, the "power nap."  The riveting and mind blowing nature of most 
research publications are often too much to process in one sitting 
driving the grad student's brain into a state of shock which can only be 
dealt with by regulating ones breathing, closing ones eyes, and drifting 
to the calmer and less mentally taxing world of the power nap.

In cases when the power nap is not acceptable (the deadlines do tend to 
leap out at the last second) the couch provides a cozy venue for 
enjoying a strong cup of joe or a stiffly brewed cup of Earl Gray (your 
author prefers Fortnum & Mason when he can find it -- donations always 
accepted: http://www.fortnumandmason.com).

In particularly dire circumstances a well designed couch can also serve 
as a fully operational Bed and Breakfast, only without the breakfast.  T 
stop running?  Can't be bothered to waste the time to walk home fall 
into bed, only to have to trek back in the next morning?  No problem, 
all properly equipped couches come with a blanket that can get you 
through this difficult situation.

Finally, and perhaps the most important use of the grad students couch 
is as a therapy device.  While many swear by shock treatment an 
alternative can be found in the solace of your (or your friend's) couch. 
 Fail your quals?  Told you can't graduate until you get one more set 
of results?  Paper get rejected?  No problem lie down bitch to your 
friends, have a good cry, a nap, and you're set to face the world again.

Now the question I pose to you all, in the cozy confines of Gehry land, 
 which of these essential functions do those lusciously red lumps of 
coarsely upholstered cement serve?  They do not even meet the myopic 
view I laid out at the beginning of this treatise.  How as grad students 
are we to thrive in such conditions?  Giving such a thing to a grad 
student is akin to providing intergalactic hitchhikers with a doily.

My answer was to expel the red beasts and import my own couches.  My 
couch (from which I am currently composing while reposing) is a grad 
student couch in the truest of nature.  It was handed down to me through 
generations of grad students that I cannot even trace, going back 
through several offices and floors of NE43.  Me <- Mark Foltz <- Carlin 
Vieri <- and goodness knows who before that.  And it shall be passed 
down from me (assuming I ever leave) to a new generation of students to 
share its solace, comfort, and wisdom as they seek refuge from the afore 
mentioned red lumps.

So come endure the red lumps and dream of real furniture at:

           +-                                                  -+
             girl scout benefit -+-  5:30 pm  -+- 32-G9 lounge
           +-                                                  -+

              For those coming from elsewhere: Building 32 is
               <http://whereis.mit.edu/map-jpg?selection=32>
          Once you are in 32, just take the G-elevator to the 9th
      floor and we will be in the lounge that you will be looking at
                    <http://projects.csail.mit.edu/gsb>













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