The GSB Research Horoscopes

["Michael McGeachie" <mmcgeach@>]

As I'm sure it will interest some of you to know, GSB is a large and growing
organization, and we've recently hired a team of astrologers.  And without
further mumbo-jumbo, here are:


The GSB Research Horoscopes

Aries: Now is the time to apply for a grant.  The stars favor your most
audacious proposals this month.  Homeland Security money is yours for the
taking.

Taurus: The sign of The Nerd is in your horizon.  Others will welcome your
authoritative opinions given without prompting.  Twenty pages make a better
impression where six were required.

Gemini: Beware hiring postdocs.  A lazy slob comes to you disguised as a
competent slob.

Cancer: Your exuberant exuberance shines through in new controversy.  An
attack on a rival's position will end in your favor.  Those on the cusp of
Leo score extra cosmological points by attacking your own previously-held
position.

Leo: The sign of The Pilgrim is upon you.  Three rejected conference papers
make one accepted journal article.  Or maybe one unsuccessful journal
article makes three successful conference papers.  To be honest the stars
aren't real clear on this one.  Stupid Pilgrim sign.  I hate that one.

Virgo: Be wary of your minions.  Your MEngs are restless under Jupiter's
influence and may rise up in arms against you.  Look to Mars for relief as
the new moon approaches.

Libra: Your natural creativity and ingenuity are at an astrological peak
this week. Expect breakthroughs and happenstance to move research forward
where once it was stuck.  Now is the time to revisit rejected papers.

Scorpio: A social and personal moon rises on your graceful and buoyant
personality.  Go with the flow.  Focus on the personal.  Go home and take a
shower.  Your research will still be here when you get back.

Sagittarius: A pernicious and frantic moon rises on your obsessive and
insecure personality.  Bang your head.  Redouble your research efforts.  Now
is a time for haste.  Someone else is about to publish your thesis.

Capricorn: Nobody likes a Capricorn.

Aquarius: Laconic creativity substitutes for guile and duplicity.
Questionable expenditures on your grant will go unnoticed.  Your lack of
large flatscreen TVs will soon be at an end.

Pisces: Your natural resourcefulness and professional networking pays off in
the form of new research directions.  Contacts made at GSB mean papers
published with superstar coauthors.  Must be present to win at this week's
long-foretold...


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