Christmas shopping

["Harold Fox" <harold.fox@>]

Christmas is always a distressing time of year. Just as you're desperately
trying to finish that research project, the media aggressively bombards you
with warm, cheery reminders of how neglectful you've been to your family,
and how this can only be remedied by spending gobs of money right now. To
take some of the pain out of Christmas shopping, GSB has prepared the
following handy guide to get each relative the perfect gift.

For your parents, you want to get some fancy, high-tech marvel that they can
show off to their neighbors and brag about their child at MIT. With you
visiting, this can become a treat for yourself too. Get them an Xbox 360.

Grandparents are tough. What do you get for a Depression-era hoarder who has
accumulated a lifetime's worth of puppy-themed oven mitts and Donald Duck
salt shakers? Get them the one thing they'll really appreciate: prescription
drugs. Make time for a big, south-of-the-border shopping spree. Be creative.
At their age, they're really not concerned about messing up their
neurochemistry. If it goes with tea, they'll take it.

What do you get for that special someone in your life? You know, that's the
person that keeps talking to you when you come home at night. That person
will be MAD if you don't do something special, and you know what that
means... Get them a gym membership. This shows how much you care about their
health, and it also subtly reminds them that they need to lose some weight.

Got any relatives with kids? Make their lives easier with a wireless fence
collar <http://www.gundogsupply.com/pif-300.html>. They can relax in comfort
knowing their child can only wander so far. For the kids themselves, get
them this season's hottest movie tie-in, the slaughterhouse air gun from "No
Country for Old Men". They'll find plenty of creative uses for it, opening
up doors and reenacting scenes from this heartwarming family comedy.

Good luck!

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