A new proposal for revamping the EECS doctoral program was unveiled recently. All of you probably know some of the more publicized aspects of this proposal: no Masters thesis, funding cut after seven years, and being able to take a summer job in lieu of the area exam. However, the apathetic graduate student body of EECS probably did not read the fine print in the proposal, nor did any student bother to investigate the hidden motives behind this change. Well, thanks to the tough investigative team at GSB, you will be in the dark no more.

The research section of the oral exam (now known as the RQE) will be administered by one professor from your area, one from outside your area, and Satan. Yes, that's right - Satan. In exchange for allowing Satan to participate in the RQE, every professor in EECS will be placed on the short list for CIA director. If you think I'm joking, it has happened before.

Every semester, a student will be chosen at random to perform "community service". This will involve redesigning the home page of every lab associated with EECS, showing up at every underattended talk, and refilling water glasses at every undergraduate exam grading session.

The thesis committee will increase its power to oversee what classes the student is taking, approve choice of minor, and critique the students' cooking skills. Once a semester, the thesis committee will meet to taste whatever culinary delights the student has prepared for them. According to a secret faculty memo obtained by GSB, "... if that chocolate souffle is puffed to less than 2 inches off the top of the dish, you may consider that student's ass yours."

If you are as outraged as I am, come join the formation of the EECS teamsters at this week's

  G   I   R   L      S   C   O   U   T      B   E   N   E   F   I   T

December 13, 1996 5:30 pm 7th floor playroom