The "Year 2000 Problem" has, no doubt, already caused each and every one of you to go back and fix every line of non-Year 2000 compliant COBOL code you've ever written (and, of course, still use today). The den mothers, helpful group that we are, would like to do what we can to assist in a problem that affects us all, and that, in the words of the Wall Street Journal, "threatens to throw mainframe computers into chaos."

A simple Alta Vista query for +cobol +2000 finds a meager 7000 hits, but includes such gems as COBOL Tips, State of the Union that expresses the hope that "some company has the vision to just get something out so all of us productive COBOL coders can start writing for MS Windows and all these other platforms." I can't wait!

And for all you Web weenies out there, don't despair. You can now, philg says, "program your Web site in a proven, industry-standard, government-committee-designed computer language" with the the power of Micro Focus's Visual Object COBOL They're even "developing technology that will allow COBOL to interoperate with Java!" Note the .htm in their URL: COBOL, Java, and DOS, a winning combination for the 21st Century! Imagine, a Year 2000 compliant CGI script! The mind reels...

So if your latest startup, "GlobalNet Web Solutions, Inc." or whatever, isn't doing so well, it's time to hit the next big thing. Dust off your ol' COBOL programmers manual, head across the river, and get yourself hired by Hancock or Prudential. Your pay will increase as 1/t where t is the time until the year 2000, so by 1999 we'll all be worth more than 100,000 shares of Netscape.

Come discuss the proper use of GOTO and the IF-THEN-ELSE construct at the first

   G   I   R   L      S   C   O   U   T      B   E   N   E   F   I   T

of the new year, January 10, 1997 5:30 pm 7th floor playroom