Hello, and welcome to a special episode of Martha Stewart: Martha at the AI Lab. Brought to you by the publications office - "Don't throw away those old Master's theses. I'm retiling my pool with them."

[cut to Martha]

"I'm here at the world famous 7th floor playroom of the Artificial Intelligence Lab. We have lots of special guests and activities planned for this program. First, I have here with me Tom Knight. Tom, what are you going to show us today?"

"Well, Martha, today I will transform these old Symbolic terminals to marvelous flower pots."

[Martha coos, literally]

"First, we need a tool that's big enough for the job. [TK uncovers the sledgehammer. Martha ducks behind one of the couches.] Kids, when you do this at home - don't forget to wear protective goggles."

[Cut to 2 hours later, a row of terminals is hollowed out and filled with petunias.]

"Oh, this is wonderful. This really livens up the playroom, don't you think?"

[A small crowd of graduate students gathers around the plants, pecking at the leaves. Martha shoos them away.]

"Now it's time for a field trip. We're going to the font factory to find out how they make all those wonderful fonts that get used here in the lab."

[cut to the font factory]

"We're here with Leslie Lamport, chief font engineer. How do you come up with all these great looking fonts?"

"They're actually imported from Holland. We have a representative over there, and every morning there's an auction for the fonts that are about to blossom. Using Donald Knuth's enormous fortune, we can outbid anyone for the really quality fonts. In fact ..."

"I'm sorry, that's all the time we have today. But I'll be at this week's GSB, signing books and showing people how to use Dodo bird beaks to open beer bottles."

  G   I   R   L      S    C   O   U   T      B   E   N   E   F   I   T

7th floor playroom February 21, 1997 5:30 pm