I doubt many people will show up at today's GSB because everybody is probably at home, trying on outfits for tomorrow's LCS christmas party (and no, it's not a "holiday party", my fellow buddhists. It's a christmas party. If you take out "christ" and "mass" from christmas, all you're left with is a negative "s", and that's not much at all.) Having been to many of these, allow me to share with you some pieces of advice. Hopefully many unpleasantries of the past can be avoided.

- Do not use your PalmPilot stylus to pick up hors d'oeuvre. They are not quite as sharp as toothpicks, and last year a senior faculty member had to be restrained after spending most of the night trying to stab a slippery shrimp.

- Do not request the band to play "Freebird". Many valuable Piccassos were lost a few years ago at the Museum of Fine Arts when all of us took out our lighters. Also, no moshing.

- No cutting in the food station line. A few years ago at the Boston Aquarium, an unnamed faculty member cut in and took the very last duck burrito. The ensuing melee was not pretty: Ralph and Timmy, the two most virile penguins in the aquarium, were never the same again; it took weeks to round up all the sharks; Stumpy the squid got his nickname, and Aquarium-Lab relations became extremely tense.

- Most importantly, no more reenactments of JFK's assasination. A few J.G. Ballard fans really ruined it for all of us a few years ago, and I don't think the JFK library will ever have us back.

We will be deciding on an appropriate hemline and helping guys pick out their ties at this week's

  G   I   R   L      S   C   O   U   T     B   E   N   E   F  I   T

7th floor playroom December 12, 1997 5:30pm