So its after midnight and I'm at the Star Market in Porter Square
trying to round up some food for breakfast and I'm walking wide-eyed
through the newly renovated produce aisle when a misty shower of water
starts falling on the produce from various little sprinklers that
they've installed in the produce case.  For a moment I get a little
carried away imagining myself as one of the green peppers being tended
to while a voice starts in with ``I'm singing in the rain.  I'm
singing in the rain.  What a glorious feeling...''  Auditory
hallucinations are often a sign of very severe mental illness, so I
became concerned.  I may be a little crazy, but I've never been
delusional or psychotic before.  As my concern mounted, I snapped a
little back into reality and realized that the music was coming from
speakers installed somewhere near the sprinklers in the produce case.
This was actually a feature of the new Star Market!  But was it
intended to amuse us, soothe us, or does the produce actually enjoy
being sung to while bathing?  But then it dawned on me: maybe this is
why they're selling "organic" apples for well over two dollars a
pound.  They're taxing the fruit eaters in order to pay for various
vegetable social programs!  Disgusted by the outrage, I wandered across
the aisle to pick a peck of inorganic apples that were selling for
$0.99 "with card."  Now cards often cost $1.50 or more these days, so
I packed several pounds of Braeburns into my basket and headed for the
checkout.

I waited patiently for the checkout guy to ring up the person in front
of me and when it seemed like he was almost done, he embarked on a
brilliant discussion about the relative merits of the various body
parts of the heroine from Tomb Raider.  I was about to lose my cool
when several, er, freaks joined me on line at the checkout.  Hello?
Halloween is a long ways away.  And since when did Wonder Woman have a
beard?  Can you say hormone therapy?  

``I can hear what you're saying'' said the bearded Wonderlady.  

But I wasn't saying anything!!!!

``I know, but I can hear what you're thinking.  It's a new feature in
Golden Lasso '99''

Suddenly from down the hall I hear ``HULK NO LIKE GENE KELLY!!!!!!!!''
as a giant green fist with a giant person attached came crashing down
on the newly renovated produce case.  A confetti of Legume bits flew 
everywhere.  

WonderWom...er..Person looked concerned: 

      ``We better bust out of here.  Hulk has trashed eight hotel rooms
      in three days and if we get caught having created this, they'll nail
      us for all of them.  I can't afford that -- it would have to come out
      of the electrolysis and plastic surgery fund.  There's no way that I
      could compete with that babe from Tomb Raider, then.''

``Alright Wonderrr...Wonderrr....  Yeah, have a nice night!''

``Thanks, Neil.''

As she busted out of the store with Hulk in tow she added, ``We're in
town next week for the AI Olympics!  Look us up on the web at
www.ai.mit.edu/olympics/99''

Come discuss how we can keep Hulk from trashing the playroom and
whether is makes sense to have an invisible plane with a big green guy
floating in it at this week's:


    G I R L  S C O U T  B E N E F I T
    7ai.  5:30pm.  See you there.