* * * CONFIDENTIAL MEMO * * *
REGARDING: NE43 GRADUATE STUDENT CONTAINMENT ATTN: CHARLES M. VEST AUTHOR: SPODSA (SECRET POLICE OF THE OFFICE OF THE DEAN OF STUDENT AFFAIRS)
* * * CONFIDENTIAL MEMO * * *
STEALTH: Targets presently suspect nothing.
LEISURE: Courtyard sealed by construction project of unspecified purpose and duration.
SUSTENANCE: Cafeteria closed by construction project of unspecified purpose and duration. Vending machines under-stocked. Access to food trucks not yet adequately restricted.
ENVIRONMENT: HVAC systems presently shut down at 10pm, 6pm on weekends, insuring stale, uncomfortably hot or cold offices. Pilot project underway involving shutting down HVAC systems mid-day for several minutes at a time inconclusive; disorientation due to failing air quality is offset by absence of hissing.
TRAVEL: Egress west and south limited by construction projects of unspecified purpose and duration. Building 20 elimination insures additional travel outdoors, providing additional deterrent during inclement weather.
PROGRESS TOWARD GOALS: Significant progress made toward containing graduate students in building. Elimination of pleasant courtyard insures more time spent indoors working. Elimination of convenient exits insures more time spent indoors working. Junk food, hissing noise, HVAC shutdowns and stale air insure confusion preventing discovery of SPODSA plans.
Summary: Average graduate student time spent in NE43 up 17% over 1998.
OBSTACLES TO GOALS: Certain in-building sources of "fun" cause significant drops in graduate student efficiency in spite of increased hours. The worst offender in this matter is the Friday afternoon graduate student social gathering known as the...
******************** G I R L S C O U T B E N E F I T ******************** ******************** 5:30pm, 7th floor playroom ********************