I've got it. I've solved AI. Soon I shall begin attack-dialing each and every professor in the AI laboratory, insisting that I know the answer, and that I am different from all those crackpots who call up saying the same thing -- because I have the one, true vision.
The following bit of information from the web led me to the brilliant solution which I will reveal momentarily:
------------------------------------------------------------ American cockroaches are known as "born inebriates", their desire for fermenting liquids is often very strong. There are many examples of restaurants or bar owners finding American cockroaches in partially empty beer bottles. Bread soaked with beer can be used to attract them.
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It was upon reading this that I realized the shortcomings of our current approaches to AI. We have been focusing on building systems capable of rational responses and behaviors -- path finding, resource acquisition, forward motion, etc. -- but what we've neglected is all the irrational and wildly goofy impulses that underly the behavior of living systems.
It is thus that I propose a new research project: "Things that Drink." Our first project shall be the CogRoach, an insectile robot that teaches itself to walk, finds a quart of motor oil, climbs in, and shorts out. In later phases of the program we will teach the humanoid Cog behaviors such as BASE jumping, Russian Roulette, and staying in grad school in the current economy. With each step, we will learn more about artificial stupidity, a crucial, as-yet-unexplored prerequisite for artificial intelligence.
Join me in getting this project funded! We will be writing our initial $4M grant propsal at tonight's...
****************** G I R L S C O U T B E N E F I T ****************** ****************** 5:30pm 7AI Playroom ******************
(PS: if you're asking yourself "how the hell did he stumble across material on drunken cockroaches, well, ask Samson about his experience in Barker library.)