Robophobia

[Mike Oltmans <moltmans@>]

Fellow Americans.  I'm going to do something unprecedented and use this 
forum to get up on my stump and and do a bit of preaching about 
something I feel pretty strongly about.  Lately there has been a 
disturbing trend in our society that threatens the moral fiber of the 
sacred institution of marriage and I implore you to all write your 
senators and our president to show your support for banning these 
unnatural acts.  We cannot continue to allow the unnatural and vulgar 
relationships developing even here in our own lab.  They are not even 
human they have limited ability to reason about their own lives, follow 
simple intuitive arguments, and many of them cannot even see or speak.

The other day I saw a grad student (who I thought was "normal") making 
eyes at what I can only assume was his "partner".  They spend all of 
their time together even publicly around the lab where everyone can see 
them.  For God's sake can't he see that it's a robot.  It is clear and 
natural that AIs and humans should not be allowed to have the same 
rights bestowed upon their relationships that two humans in a natural 
loving relationship hold.  A disturbing number of students have been 
requesting more and more rights and acknowledgment for their 
relationships.  I've even heard them referring to being "married" to 
their projects or life partners with one another.  This is sick and 
wrong.  Furthermore, they are requesting and in many cases receiving our 
tax dollars to foster their relationships.  This is an outrage.

However, the legislature and judiciary have threatened our moral fiber 
and we must draw a line of compromise or risk loosing everything we hold 
sacred.  Therefore, I propose that the state allow silicon unions which 
will grant certain limited rights to students and their robotic mates 
without damaging the holy sacrament of marriage.

Please, help us to stop this unholy affront on our society by joining us 
at a rally to be held this evening.  It will be cosponsored by the 
Religious Right, the ACLU, the Young Republicans and Democrats, and the 
Girl Scouts.  Join our rally(*) at tonight's...
           +-                                                 -+
             girl scout benefit -+-  5:30 pm  -+- 7ai playroom
           +-                                                 -+

             [ for those coming from elsewhere: building ne43,
               http://whereis.mit.edu/bin/map?locate=bldg_ne43 ]


(*) Representatives of AAAI and IEEE are gently advised, for their own 
safety, to refrain from imposing upon our rally.