Found: The Diary of the Artist as a young MIT Graduate Student

[Stanley M Bileschi <bileschi@>]

 Found: The Diary of the Artist as a young MIT Graduate Student.

 Day 01. 3:18 PM. I embark upon my new life as a graduate student. I shall
 study assiduously all manner of knowledge. I feel already that learning
 flows through me as the crushing void flickers through mankind. I now endeavor
 to give form to learning, even as I challenge its very meaning.

 Day 08. 7:00 PM. An expression of this Form is found in my first effort: a
 keyboard soaked in gin and densely sprinkled with thumbtacks. I am close to
 what Camus called the sublime.

 Day 11. 10:10 AM. I am informed that research here involves much more
 writing of things. Words. I am now far from the sublime.

 Day 75. 8:03 PM. I have invited Dean Summers of Harvard, Lenny the E-32
 night custodian, and the corpse of Johnny Carson to be on my Committee. If
 two of them sign, then my graduation will be nearly complete. Progress is
 swift. Also I found a tray of abandoned sandwiches after a particularly
  boring talk. Like a delicious frisbee I hurled it from the Green building
 in a primal defenestration of science and technology.

 Day 93. 5:20 PM. I wrote a proposal and submitted it to my thesis
 committee. It was one wheelbarrow full of pages of the finest silk paper,
 each printed with a single lower-case t in Times new Roman, 12pt font.
 Somehow I feel it misses my intent to capture the necessary meaninglessness
 of my research. I shall make another attempt next semester.

  Day 121. 2:11 AM. The endeavor to make the perfect Powerpoint Slide have been
 met with frustration. I desire to build a single slide that captures the
 triumphant beauty of human intelligence while giving nod to the
 hopeless emptiness of death which shapes our existence with its
 non-meaning. I have attached my current draft:

 http://128.30.28.75/images/TriumphantBeauty.ppt

 Day 407. 11:00 AM. My committee recommends I include a graph of my data to
 drive home my point with all the more alacrity. These people enjoy graphs
 of any conceivable variety. I shall graph the inevitability of human ennui
 vs. time in graduate school. And I shall color it beige. Beige is the
 color of despair.

 Day 1025. 2:15 PM.  The published works of fellows betray their veiled
  turmoil. Results are a prybar into dusty crates of ethics. Responsibility
 is as quaint as the tipping of ones hat to a stranger, or chaperoning a
 woman to the market. To test my hypothesis I wrote a short paper claiming
 that the cure for cancer, diabetes, pouch rot, and gingivitis is a swift
 punch to the heart. The reception was cool until I showed them my graphs.
 Betrayal is cheaper and more gratifying than success. The self
 congratulatory ego warmly swaddles me. It won't last.

 Day 1133 1:00 PM.  Two papers were published with contradictory results. I
 received awards for both of them. This is a sidetrack. Focus is necessary.

 Day 1601 5:12 AM. Coding, a script was produced which accurately describes
  the qualia of consciousness in a perfect, crystalline, emotionless
  environment. I have included it here. It requires Matlab ver. 14 and the
 tragic image processing toolbox

 x='Because'
 while(x)
  x=sprintf('%c%c%c!',87,72,89);
 figure(50059883)
  imshow(magic(60),[])
  colormap('jet')
 text(30,30,x)
 pause(1)
 end

  Day 1808 12:00 PM.  Gao! The chicken is a metaphor for the study. Pay
 little, enjoy less. The coke alone would be temporarily satisfying.

 Day 1899 11:00 AM.Time out. Whiskey

 Day 1905 11:00 AM.Time in

 Day 2289. 4:53 AM. What is the fruit of procrastination? The nausea of
 self doubt paralyzes my mouse-hand. There will be no more progress until
 the banality becomes ecstasy and success becomes as a funeral. Graduation
 is imminent.

 Day 2291. 2:32 PM.  The campus draws me downward and whispers in my ear.
  "The Abyss.  The Abyss."  Fear and Anger are tempered by fathomless
  futility.  I receive message that a shred of hope lies at 32-G9 lounge
  at 5:30 PM.  Patience in the face of futility.  I go anyway.

 Day 2291. 6:22 PM. Brilliance sears through the shroud of my doubt.  Science!
 Friends!  Solace!  All to be found at this great thing called....


                +-                                               -+
                 girl scout benefit -+-  5:30 pm  -+- 32-G9 lounge
                +-                                               -+

                For those coming from elsewhere: Building 32 is
                 <http://whereis.mit.edu/map-jpg?selection=32>
         Once you are in 32, just take the G-elevator to the 9th floor.


 [ This diary was found by M. McGeachie and S. Bileschi ]
 [ half soaked and wrapped in bacon ]
 [ reply with a descripiton to claim it ]

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