French toast -> Napoleon -> Zulus -> GSB

["Michael McGeachie" <mmcgeach@>]

You ever go to S&S Deli?  They got good food there.  Last time I was there
they had this French toast thick as the New York Times, with the tastiest
syrup.  It came with this corn polenta thing.  I remember cause the couple I
was sitting next to discussed the foundations of civilization.
Civilization, my history teacher used to say, is founded on grains.  And the
best of 'em was teosinte, as everybody knows, a mealie ancestor of corn.
Course now nobody eats it cause there's corn around.  But when your food has
ancestors that shaped the Olmec culture, then you know you got some good
food there.  Now, not everybody eats corns, of course.  Take the Zulu, they
mostly lived on cattle; milk and curds and such.  And the thing you need to
know about the Zulu is that they were a peaceful people until Shaka reformed
their armies.  Oh, they had battles and such, but usually the winners were
decided by seeing which side had a longer line of warriors, or which side
seemed to have the most powerful ancestor spirits present.  You see, as a
young man Shaka had a talent for killing people.  Now keep in mind the Zulu
warriors all carried a big shield in their left hand and a heavy spear,
called an assegai, in their right hand.  Shaka had this maneuver where he'd
hook is shield behind the other guy's shield, then pull him off balance
using the shield as leverage, then stab 'em through their left armpit.
Well, this may not sound like much, but I'll tell you one thing twice, this
was a big innovation at the time.  It was a big innovation at the time.
'Course the British probably weren't impressed either, but this sort of
thing, together with being bigger, meaner, and smarter than most other Zulus
enabled Shaka to quickly rise to power.  Also being a son of the King,
that's handy, too.  Not like the son of an Emperor, that's somewhat better.
Like Napoleon.  Although that didn't do much good to Napoleon IV, though,
did it?  Well, after Napoleon III's brief rule and ouster, Napoleon IV fled
to England and spent his late adolescence training in the British military
academy at Woolwich.  See, he was raised to lead the French armies in a coup
against the French Republic, so soldiering was about all he was good at.
But what's a soldier without a war?  Darn bored, I can assure you of that,
so Napoleon signs up to go fight the Zulu for the British.  Now, if you were
the British army, what would you do with the Imperial Prince of the Defunct
Empire of France?  Well, they didn't quite know what to do, so they gave him
a horse and a uniform and let him be a scout, drawing maps of hills named
"Napoleon Koppie" next to "Napoleon Pass" and further where the river goes
through "Napoleon Bend," and hoped this would keep him out of trouble.
'Course, it didn't really, and before you could put tinder to fire, Napoleon
is leading six mounted men to scout ahead for a campsite for the main column
of the British army.  He runs across a deserted Zulu settlement, and decides
to ride in and explore.  Happily, he notices they've left the fire going, so
he decides to sit down and heat up some coffee, and the British are all
excited for Tea Time.  Now, the grass near these huts this time of year in
South Africa is up to about six feet, so once you get off your horse and
make some tea it's tough to see much more than what's in front of your face.
So about twenty minutes later 40 Zulus hidden in the grass fire a volley of
muskets into the camp, scaring the horses.  Now, these British cavalrymen
had rifles, but the rifles were on the horses, and some of the horses ran,
and some were wounded, and others just jumped up and around, and each man
grabbed at his horse and tried to get away.  Napoleon, of course, could ride
before he could walk, so he gets one hand on his saddlebags and runs
alongside his horse, waiting for a moment to vault onto his mount.  But, the
Zulu were famous for being fleet of foot, and they just run along after the
horses, waiting for them to tire, for miles.  So there they are, Napoleon
being dragged by his horse, and 40 Zulus trotting patiently after him, when
the buckle on Napoleon's saddle breaks, and he gets trampled by his horse.
He's not quite done for, but the horse trod on his right shoulder,
preventing him from using his saber, and forcing him to defend himself with
his pistol, left-handed.  So Napoleon IV, last heir of the Empire of France,
goes down in a hail of assegais.  Now, what I was saying was, that when I
eat the toast it hurts my tooth.  I got this filling that I don't think was
the best filling and the toast was so meaty I thought I'd lost it.  Now my
dentist, you see, he believes that you need a nickel-filling cause those
last longer than the new white epoxy ones, but which of them stands up to
the S&S Deli toast, that's what I want to know.  You know who'd know?  GSB'd
know.  Those kids at GSB know everything about everything, tho' I could
never figure out how.  Yup, that's it, then, I'm headed to this week's...


            +-                                                  -+
              girl scout benefit -+-  5:30 pm  -+- 32-G9 lounge
            +-                                                  -+

               For those coming from elsewhere: Building 32 is
                <http://whereis.mit.edu/map-jpg?selection=32>
           Once you are in 32, just take the G-elevator to the 9th
       floor and we will be in the lounge that you will be looking at
                     <http://projects.csail.mit.edu/gsb>




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