How many MPG do you get?

[Mike Oltmans <moltmans@>]

Apparently the average American walks something like 600 or 900 miles a 
year (depending on who's making up the numbers).  It also appears that 
the mileage that those people get vary widely by the type of beverage 
that they prefer.  Using data from the highly reliable(?) 
http://www.winepros.org/aftertaste/society-rx.htm web site we have made 
the following determinations:

Since the average American walks (lets call it) 800 miles per year and 
the average American consumes about 22 gallons of beer per year clearly 
we are getting about 35 miles per gallon.  Wow!  Not bad.

But wait, there's more we can extend our theory to make a complete 
breakdown of different beverages:

If you drink:               You get:
Carbonated Soda Pop           14.81
Tap Water                     35.56
Beer                          35.56
Coffee                        40.63
Milk                          41.83
Bottled Water                 71.11
Fruit & Vegetable Juices      88.89
Powdered or "Sports" Drinks  118.52
Hot or Iced Tea              118.52
WINE                         426.67
Liquor                       609.52

Oh, and there's even more... If we assume that the average European 
walks 1100 miles / year (I made that one up, when you write these 
messages you get to do stuff like that)

European drinks:		European gets miles/gallon:
Tap Water 			11.92
Milk 				65.19
Coffee 				69.84
Hot or Iced Tea 		69.84
Beer 				81.48
Carbonated Soda Pop 		97.78
Bottled Water 			97.78
Fruit & Vegetable Juices	146.67
WINE 				183.33
Liquor 				733.33
Powdered or "Sports" Drinks 	977.78


Thus proving beyond any shadow of a doubt that European sports drinks 
are far superior to American Liquor.  Also the wine in Europe is weaker 
but the coffee is stronger.  And finally that European water is the SUV 
of the beverage world, you should do like most Americans, and avoid the 
stuff completely.

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