TALK:Friday 5-5-06 THESIS DEFENSE: The application of the law of error to the work of the Brewery

[Michael Oltmans <moltmans@>]

Thesis defense
Speaker: Student (aka William Sealy Gosset)
Speaker Affiliation: Guinness Breweries
Host: Assn. of Den Mothers
Host Affiliation: MIT CSAIL

Date: 5-5-2006
Time: 5:00 PM - 6:30 PM
Location: 32-G9 lounge

Title: The application of the law of error to the work of the Brewery

ABSTRACT

In this thesis I will present statistical methods for small samples.  I 
have named the resulting distribution after myself: the "Student 
t-distribution".  The basic premise of this work is the observation of 
the proportionality of Guinness to student productivity, publication, 
and ultimately graduation.  We will refer to this observation as the "as 
good as a loaf of bread" axiom.  This theory is a dramatic step forward 
from related work by Maruchan on "the pack of noodles a day keeps the 
student at work" principle.  This theory has shown over time to lead to 
depression, MSG induced shakes and sweats, and over extended 
application, failure to graduate.

I will discuss these principles in greater details with relation to 
other current research and applications to daily student life.  Time 
permitting, I will also expound on the origins of the Irish Toucan 
commonly associated with this work and metaphysical angst that it has 
often induced by ornithologists and statisticians alike.  I will also 
comment on the the cryptic and highly controversial experiments in which 
it was stated (and I Quote):

    Toucans in their tests agree
    Guinness is good for you.
    Try some today and see
    What one or toucan do

Pending the outcome of the defense, a catered reception will coincide 
with the presentation.

After the public portion of the defense all members of the community 
with PhD's, parched throats, or long multi colored beaks suitable for 
balancing pint glasses, may further question the candidate or sample the 
host's wares.

Thesis Supervisor:
Arthur Guinness

Thesis Committee:
Dr. Hammond (for her dedication to, and extensive knowledge of, the 
craft of brewing)
Professor Sir Ronald Aylmer Fisher (for statistical consultation)
Dr. Sezgin (who was instrumental in the creation and inspiration of this 
announcement)

Relevant URL(S):
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_Sealy_Gosset
http://projects.csail.mit.edu/gsb/

           +-                                                  -+
             girl scout benefit -+-  5:30 pm  -+- 32-G9 lounge
           +-                                                  -+

              For those coming from elsewhere: Building 32 is
               <http://whereis.mit.edu/map-jpg?selection=32>
          Once you are in 32, just take the G-elevator to the 9th
      floor and we will be in the lounge that you will be looking at
                    <http://projects.csail.mit.edu/gsb>



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