Gator Attacks Naked Man On Crack

[Michael Oltmans <moltmans@>]

So you thought you had a bad day.  I had to wake up at 6:30am to cook 
lunch for 60 people.  My coffee got cold before I could drink it.  I 
haven't had a chance to get any work done yet today and its already 2:30.

But on the other hand, I can be grateful that I didn't strip off all my 
cloths, smoke some crack, pass out and get half eaten by an 11ft 
alligator at 4 in the morning.  Now that's a bad day.  Seriously, some 
guy smoked crack, stripped off his cloths (order of events is uncertain) 
and was half eaten by an alligator somewhere in Florida.  The police had 
to go searching through the swamp following his screams to find him and 
rescue him.  The news articles didn't report if the thankful crack 
smoker offered his rescuers some of his stash or not.  They also didn't 
report if the alligator was looking for a fix when he attacked the man. 
 They did report that the alligator they caught in the area was acting 
aggressively.  Maybe he'd gotten his first hit from chewing on the guy 
and was ornery looking for his next hit, who knows.  I'm no crack 
psychologist.

Regardless I'll leave you with a few of the choice newspaper headlines 
from this momentous day in history:

"Gator Attacks Naked Man On Crack," CBS News
"He was naked, on crack and in alligator's mouth," Seattle Times
"Victim: Gator attacked after nude crack-smoking," USA Today
"Wildlife Official Reminds: No Feeding Gators," The Ledger, FL (does 
this apply to crack?  Is this a reprimand to the crack smoker?)
"Nude crack man in alligator rescue," Metro, UK
"Florida gator clamps down on skinny dipper", Houston Chronicle

And winning the award for most humorous when mis-parsed:
"Naked, drugged man attacked by alligator remains in hospital,"
Sun-Sentinel.com, FL.  Apparently not only are alligators dangerous 
(don't feed them by the way), but even the remains can fight back, even 
in the hospital.  (Computers may not be perfect parsers but then again, 
neither am I).

While we aren't allowed to feed 12ft gators in Stata (let alone get 
naked and smoke crack) I have been informed that we will have some 
freshly cooked bacon at GSB...  And maybe some soup too!

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